Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
This thread is for jokes, poems or any inspirational stories (hint hint muslim kuri!)... so here goes......
Generous lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
[quote="Constantine"]What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
[size=18]NACHO CHEESE!!!![/size]
AAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAH
***GASP*****
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/quote]
Took me a while to get that, it works because of your accent right? :?
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
[quote="Dawud"][quote="Constantine"]What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
[size=18]NACHO CHEESE!!!![/size]
AAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAH
***GASP*****
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/quote]
Took me a while to get that, it works because of your accent right? :?[/quote]
more like a black american accent... i think.
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
[quote="Dawud"]Took me a while to get that, it works because of your accent right? :?[/quote]
[quote="Aasiyah"]more like a black american accent... i think.[/quote]
lol they are very similar, so it works in either.
...actually wasn't really thinking in "an accent" - just sorta works
but maybe that's because I think in an accent?
does that even make sense?
aw hell it's not even my joke
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
You're thinking in an accent, it doesn't work with mine.
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
Tick, tock, tickin
Drip, drop, drippin
Life like a river, is running away
Bit. by. bit. now
bit. my. lip- ow!
How can we leave such a beautiful day
Ginger people
look soooo funny
with their little
legs dipped in honey
Money, money, money
tis the call of the street
as my heart turns runny
and sparkles in these eyes
dripping thinner than honey,
altogether bitter not sweet.
can't stand the heat
of these frozen faces
people with their cases
and cares, unaware
of my own little tear
tear my heart but they don't hear!
Find. me. here. now
down. under. a big. cow
getting some milk
to feed a wee calf
Poor, little, calf, cries,
silent, good, byes
knowing, its mother?
is soon to leave!
to, a, scary place
that. we. all. chase.
death and despair
together in this race?
Must. we. fall. so?
and. reach. the low
before we can
look around and laugh
blessed are we.
who can not see
this place is a friend
but when we end,
be careful when fishing
this plaice to befriend!
rub water on my face
look, at, the, base
of the sink
through the depth of my soul
Drip, drop, dripping now
Tick, tock tickking now,
Life like a river...is sweeping me away
bit by bit
bit my lip (because)
Happiness... the gift of this day.!
See this is what happens when I have no post to read, where is everyone?!?!
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
Didn't know where too put it, so i putting it here, WELL WORTH A READ.
The Fisherman
An investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The investment banker complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The fisherman replied, "Only a little while."
The investment banker then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"
The fisherman said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."
The investment banker then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, stroll into the village each evening and spend time with my family, I have a full and busy life."
The investment banker scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to a big town and eventually to the the city where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."
The fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"
To which the investment banker replied, "15 to 20 years."
"But what then?" asked the fisherman.
The investment banker laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."
"Millions?...Then what?"
The investment banker said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings and spend time with your family."
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
[quote="Dawud"]Tick, tock, tickin
Drip, drop, drippin
Life like a river, is running away
Bit. by. bit. now
bit. my. lip- ow!
How can we leave such a beautiful day
Ginger people
look soooo funny
with their little
legs dipped in honey
Money, money, money
tis the call of the street
as my heart turns runny
and sparkles in these eyes
dripping thinner than honey,
altogether bitter not sweet.
can't stand the heat
of these frozen faces
people with their cases
and cares, unaware
of my own little tear
tear my heart but they don't hear!
Find. me. here. now
down. under. a big. cow
getting some milk
to feed a wee calf
Poor, little, calf, cries,
silent, good, byes
knowing, its mother?
is soon to leave!
to, a, scary place
that. we. all. chase.
death and despair
together in this race?
Must. we. fall. so?
and. reach. the low
before we can
look around and laugh
blessed are we.
who can not see
this place is a friend
but when we end,
be careful when fishing
this plaice to befriend!
rub water on my face
look, at, the, base
of the sink
through the depth of my soul
Drip, drop, dripping now
Tick, tock tickking now,
Life like a river...is sweeping me away
bit by bit
bit my lip (because)
Happiness... the gift of this day.!
See this is what happens when I have no post to read, where is everyone?!?![/quote]
nice now if we could only get 'faithless' to sing it
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
yuit aint that just the way
now have you read any Mullah Nasrudin i've just come across him he's hilarious.
my husband says they apparantly teach him in Pakistan
one of his is he met a beggar who wanted money why said the Mullah 'cos i have swimming pool and 3 wives to maintain in 3 different houses' Mullah walks on and is occosted by another beggar who also wants money why says the Mullah 'cos i need a meal' says the beggar
the Mullah walks straight back to the first beggar and hands him the money why says the second beggar ' his needs are greater then yours he's got a swimming pool and 3 wives to maintain for heavens sakes!
course i;ve adapted it and probably slaughtered but i really think hes funny
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
[quote="seema*"]yuit aint that just the way
now have you read any Mullah Nasrudin i've just come across him he's hilarious.
[/quote]
Yeah i have I read about the story of the burgular. He had a brillant sense of humour. But I think i also read something he said about Freewill vs Destiny, I understood the concept in the one paragraph he wrote which 20 pages on the old revival page couldn't do :roll: . Will read up on him more though.
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
[quote="seema*"][quote="Dawud"]Tick, tock, tickin
Drip, drop, drippin
Life like a river, is running away
Bit. by. bit. now
bit. my. lip- ow!
How can we leave such a beautiful day
Ginger people
look soooo funny
with their little
legs dipped in honey
Money, money, money
tis the call of the street
as my heart turns runny
and sparkles in these eyes
dripping thinner than honey,
altogether bitter not sweet.
can't stand the heat
of these frozen faces
people with their cases
and cares, unaware
of my own little tear
tear my heart but they don't hear!
Find. me. here. now
down. under. a big. cow
getting some milk
to feed a wee calf
Poor, little, calf, cries,
silent, good, byes
knowing, its mother?
is soon to leave!
to, a, scary place
that. we. all. chase.
death and despair
together in this race?
Must. we. fall. so?
and. reach. the low
before we can
look around and laugh
blessed are we.
who can not see
this place is a friend
but when we end,
be careful when fishing
this plaice to befriend!
rub water on my face
look, at, the, base
of the sink
through the depth of my soul
Drip, drop, dripping now
Tick, tock tickking now,
Life like a river...is sweeping me away
bit by bit
bit my lip (because)
Happiness... the gift of this day.!
See this is what happens when I have no post to read, where is everyone?!?![/quote]
nice now if we could only get 'faithless' to sing it[/quote]
Cool...so who are 'faithless'?
Also I don't wanna be opening a can of worms but, I liked the way Zion Ben Jonah puts it in his Revelation (can't remeber the proper name) book:
"destiny is what will happen because of free-will."
how classy is that?
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
yes its very classy
i thought you knew who they were when you said you got the song i posted about insomnia itsheir song - i cant get no sleep
anyways heres a link where you can hear it for yourself
http://www.faithless.co.uk/site.php
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
Salaam
What is the purpose of this life????
Money, holidays, a beautiful wife , wealthy & hansome husband...???
There is no point in us denying
Each heart beat brings us closer to dying
You'll breathe your last
Your life will have past
Don't pretend
Death's not the end
You will taste death, death never waited
Look around you, everything's created
It has a creator, it has a meaning
A mother gives birth and then comes it's weaning
The sun rises and gives us light
It sets, then falls, the blanket of night
The plants all grow, when falls the rain
They give fruits to man, and they too will wane
Why does man think that he will get away?
Spending life aimlessly, as if he's here to stay
A fixed time is appointed, everything will perish
Everything you hate, everything you relish
Except the Almighty Allah, He will remain
And then will come judgement, all on one plain
Allah will say, I gave you life
I gave you health, wealth and a wife
What did you do with your time?
What did you do in your prime?
Did you spread my message, did you spread islam?
Why not? Did you not read the Quran?
My friends, we muslims, we are so blessed
Allah gave us islam to supercede all the rest
My non-muslim friends, the Quran must be read
Read before it's too late and you're dead
You owe it to yourselves, it will make you cry
You'll know these words are from the Lord most High
Instructing mankind to the purpose of life
And the reward my friends is everlasting life
Our purpose is to worship our Lord most High
The reward is heaven where no one will die
You'll have anything you want, all the best dishes
And Almighty Allah will grant all of your wishes
This life my friends is just a cage
We should live by His orders, to be safe from his rage
You will understand when you read the holy Quran
You'll know the religion of truth is islam
Protect yourself and your families from hell
Embrace islam and all will be well
For the deeds of this life, you'll pay the price
In the depths of hell or in paradise
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
MY BELOVED
There was a time in my youth,
When Islam was only a custom.
They said "say La IIaha IIIa Allah,..
And pray, you'll go to Heaven."
Ah, how simple, no struggle in this,
Just a word, and simple act.
Thereafter I'm absorbed in this world again,
With my 'assured' place in Paradise intact.
But this was not to be my fate
For ALLAH chose to guide my heart.
I learnt of a man who struggled so hard
When his mission was from the start.
Spoke gently, kindness he knew.
Never fearing to say what's right,
His conviction in ISLAM was true.
The touch of his hand was as soft as silk
To comfort a crying child.
To mend his clothes, or do the chores,
Never complaining, he always smiled.
A living he made with his bare hands,
The same that held
his mighty sword.
Valour shone from the edge of his blade,
His smell was always of musk,
And cleanliness he kept at his best.
Stark contrast with the heroes of today,
Who stink of beer and sweat.
He held the hands of his companions.
Unashamed to play with many children.
So modest, so humble, a perfect example,
That strangers could not recognize him.
His eyes slept little for nights were precious,
His prayers he treasured much greater.
To pray Tahajjud in the depths of night,
Seeking forgiveness, and nearness to his Creator.
He broke his tooth for me at Uhud,
And bled for me at Ta'if.
He cried for me, tears of concern,
Just so I could have this belief.
His enemies admired his teachings,
Uniting every religion, every clan.
Till ISLAM came to every corner of the world,
O, but indeed he
was only a man.
To own a house, or build his wealth
Was not his main priority.
To establish ISLAM was more essential,
To bring us under a Higher Authority.
Don't you want him to plea for your case,
When before ALLAH-The Judge-you stand?
Don't you wish to be around his fountain,
A burning desire to drink from his hand?
So I love him more than all creation,
My Leader, my Humble Prophet.
Muhammad ﷺ was a mercy to all mankind,
And to me, he is ... MY BELOVED!
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
mashAllah have you guys written your own poetry if you have a thousand fold mashallah
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
can i have the thousandfold.....[size=7]even tho it was from an email?[/size]
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
Salaam
sorry i know its long but summat to think about!!
When we are leaving this world for the next one, it shall be like a
trip to another country.
Where details of that country won't be found in glamorous travel
brochures but in the Holy Qura'an and the Hadiths.
Where our plane won't be Indian Air Lines, British Airways,Gulf Air
or
Emirates, but Air Janazah.
Where our luggage won't be the allowed 30 Kgs, but our deeds no matter
how heavy they weigh.
You don't pay for excess luggage. They are carried free of charge,
with your Creator's compliment.
Where our dress won't be a Pierre Cardin suit or the like but the
white cotton shroud.
Where our perfume won't be Channel, Paco Rabane, but the camphor and
attar.
Where our passports won't be Indian, British, French or American but
Al Islam.
Where our visa won't be the 6 months leave to stay or else, but, The
"La Ilaha Illallah".
Where the airhostess won't be a gorgeous female, but Isra'iil and its
like.
Where the in-flight services won't be 1st class or economy but a
piece
of beautifully scented or foul smelling cloth.
Where our place of destination won't be Heathrow Terminal 1 or Jeddah
International Terminal but the last Terminal Graveyard.
Where our waiting lounge won't be nice carpeted and air-conditioned
rooms but the 6 feet deep gloomy Qabr.
Where the Immigration Officer won't be His Majesty's officers, but
Munkar and Nakeer.
They only check out whether you deserve the place you yearn to go.
Where there is no need for Customs Officers or detectors.
Where the transit airport will be Al Barzakh.
Where our final place of destination will be either the Garden under
which rivers flow or the Hellfire.
This trip does not come with a price tag. It is free of charge, So
your savings would not come handy.
This flight can never be hijacked so do not worry about terrorists.
Food won't be served on this flight so do not worry about your
allergies or whether the food is Halal.
Do not worry about legroom; you won't need it, as your legs will
become things of the past.
Do not worry about delays. This flight is always punctual. It arrives
and leaves on time.
Do not worry about the in-flight entertainment program because You
would have lost all your sense of joy.
Do not worry about booking this trip, it has already been
booked, the day you became a fetus in your mother's womb.
Ah! At last good news! Do not worry about who will be sitting next to
you.
You will have the luxury of being the only passenger. So enjoy it
while you can. If only you can!
One small snag though, this trip comes with no warning.
Are you prepared.....you better be !
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
saadia i got the shortened version from a friend on my phone, can u believe it!
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
salaam
really!!
lol does it have the same effect !!
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
ok and heres another
A BEAUTIFUL PRAYER
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Islam
I asked Allah to take away my habit.
Allah said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked Allah to make my handicapped child whole.
Allah said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary
I asked Allah to grant me patience.
Allah said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked Allah to give me happiness.
Allah said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked Allah to spare me pain.
Allah said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.
I asked Allah to make my spirit grow.
Allah said, No.
You must grow on your own! ,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked Allah for all things that I might enjoy life.
Allah said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I ask Allah to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
Allah said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
Send this to all the people that you know and
back to the person that sent it. May Allah show his love to you all!
THIS DAY IS YOURS DON'T THROW IT AWAY
May Allah Bless You,
"To the world you might be one person, but to one
person you just might be the world"
For all the negative things we have to say to selves
Allah has a positive answer for it.
You say "It's impossible"
Allah says All things are possible
You say "I'm too tired"
Allah says I will give you rest
You say "I can't go on"
Allah says My grace is sufficient
You say "I can't figure things out"
Allah says I will direct your steps
You say "I can't do it"
Allah says You can do all things
You say "I'm not able"
Allah says I am able
You say "It's not worth it"
Allah says It will be worth it
You say "I can't forgive myself"
Allah says I FORGIVE YOU
You say "I can't manage"
Allah says I will supply all your needs
You say "I'm afraid"
Allah says I have not given you a spirit of fear
You say "I'm always worried and frustrated"
Allah says Cast all your cares on ME
You say "I don't have enough faith"
Allah says I've given everyone a measure of faith
You say "I'm not smart enough"
Allah says I give you wisdom
You say "I feel all alone"
Allah says I will never leave you or forsake you
You say "Nobody really loves me"
Allah says I love you
May Allah Be Pleased With all muslims Ameen.
I love each and every muslim for the Pleasure of Allah !
TAKEN FROM ISLAMIC_FOUNDATION
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
that was indeed a good prayer and well long
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
Teri LOVELY EYES ne
mujpe ek EFFECT kiya hai,
ki maine sabko REJECT karke
tujko SELECT kiya hai!
SELECT kiya maine pyar se
Dil nahi todna mera INKAAR se!!
Your lovely eyes,
Have had effect on me.
I rejected everyone,
And selected you.
I selected you through love,
Dont go breaking my heart by denying me.
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
u made that up or what
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
nah found it somewhere, its pretty rubbish but ez to understand for those goryfyed ppls who dnt understand urdu innit.
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
salaam
lol yes!!
well sed !!!
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
has anyone read Keats' poetry?
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
MAN DATES GAL ON INTERNET FOR SIX MONTHS -- AND IT TURNS OUT SHE'S HIS MOTHER!
Friday December 9, 2005
MARSEILLES, France -- Skirt-chasing playboy Daniel Anceneaux spent weeks talking with a sensual woman on the Internet before arranging a romantic rendezvous at a remote beach -- and discovering that his on-line sweetie of six months was his own mother!
"I walked out on that dark beach thinking I was going to hook up with the girl of my dreams," the rattled bachelor later admitted. "And there she was, wearing white shorts and a pink tank top, just like she'd said she would.
"But when I got close, she turned around -- and we both got the shock of our lives. I mean, I didn't know what to say. All I could think was, 'Oh my God! it's Mama!' "
But the worst was yet to come. Just as the mortified mother and son realized the error of their ways, a patrolman passed by and cited them for visiting a restricted beach after dark.
"Danny and I were so flustered, we blurted out the whole story to the cop," recalled matronly mom Nicole, 52. "The policeman wrote a report, a local TV station got hold of it -- and the next thing we knew, our picture and our story was all over the 6 o'clock news. "People started pointing and laughing at us on the street -- and they haven't stopped laughing since."
The girl-crazy X-ray technician said he began flirting with normally straitlaced Nicole -- who lives six miles away in a Marseilles suburb -- while scouring the Internet for young ladies to put a little pizzazz in his life.
"Mom called herself Sweet Juliette and I called myself The Prince of Pleasure, and unfortunately, neither one of us had any idea who the other was," said flabbergasted Daniel.
"The conversations even got a little racy a couple of times.
"But I really started to fall for her, because there seemed to be a sensitive side that you don't see in many girls.
"She sent me poems she had written and told me about her dreams and desires, and it was really very romantic.
"The truth is, I got to see a side of my mom I'd never seen before. I'm grateful for that."
When starry-eyed Daniel asked Sweet Juliette to send him a picture, Nicole e-mailed him a photo of a curvy, half-clad cutie she'd scanned from a men's magazine.
"The girl in the picture was so beautiful, I begged Juliette to meet me on the beach -- and Mom said yes," he recalled. "Mom says she was falling for me, too, and she just wanted to meet me, even though she knew I'd be disappointed when I saw her.
"As for me, I figured I was going to find the girl of my dreams.
"I guess that's about as wrong as I've ever been."
Daniel admits he and his mother could do little but stammer and stutter around each other for days after their cyberspace exploits came to light. And his father Paul -- Nicole's husband of 27 years -- wasn't too happy when the story hit the news and his beer-drinking buddies made him the butt of their jokes.
"Dad was ticked for a while and he forbid Mom to talk to anybody on the Internet ever again," said embarrassed Daniel.
[url=http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/news/wwn/20051209/113414040002.html]Y… News[/url]
Why Online relationships can never work...
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
salaam
that is just sick
if its not allowed its not allowed for a good reason, and by that i mean fallin in love over the stupid internet
may this be an example for us all on here!! how many times have we heard of intrest in members tut tut tut!!!
thanks for that muslim sis
wa/salaam
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
[quote="Saadia Khan"]
may this be an example for us all on here!! how many times have we heard of intrest in members tut tut tut!!!
[/quote]
Yeah I agree. Thats why I posted it.
Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!
that story is disgusting.
What a freak family. Feel sorry for the dad though, bechara.
Having said that I can well understand people laughing at them. If I were to ever meet such people I wouldnt be able to control myself, just walk straight up to em and start laughing. lol
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
[size=18]NACHO CHEESE!!!![/size]
AAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAH
***GASP*****
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH