Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!

Alisha theres a thread on islamic catchy phrases on next page 🙂

thanks for pointing that out naj, jus posted it on there too 😛

[b][size=16][color=indigo]The Garden Of The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam[/color][/size][/b][color=darkblue]

My friends and road fellows:

Pity the nation that is full of beliefs and empty of faith,

Pity the nation that wears a cloth it does not weave,

eats a bread it does not harvest and drinks that which is not from its rivers.

Pity the nation that acclaims the bully as a hero and deems the glittering conqueror - bountiful.

Pity the nation that despises a passion in dream, yet submits in its waking.

Pity the nation that raises not its voice, save when it walks in a funeral,

boasts not, except among its ruins,

and will rebel not, save when its neck is laid between the sword and the block.

Pity the nation whose statesman is a fox, whose philosopher is a juggler and whose art is the art of patching and mimicking.

Pity the nation that welcomes its new ruler with trumpetings and farewells him with hootings - only to welcome another, with trumpetings again!

Pity the nation whose sages are du[size=12]m[/size]b with years and whose strong men are still in the cradle.

Pity the nation divided into fragments - each fragment deciding that itself is a "nation"![/color]

salaam

Here are my eyes, there is my heart-

my misery finds no relief.

This holds a hidden suffering

those shed the tears of open grief.

Mirza Asadullah Khan Ghalib (1797-1869) India

[quote="Saadia Khan"]salaam

Here are my eyes, there is my heart-

my misery finds no relief.

This holds a hidden suffering:

those shed the tears of open grief.

Mirza Asadullah Khan Ghalib (1797-1869) India[/quote]

Ghalibs poetry is deep, but takes me ages to understand some of it. He uses some next level of urdu innit.

Because we’ve drifted apart

Many miles away

So far we don’t know our way back

We’ve forgotten you and your deen

Oh messenger of Allah

Help us before it’s too late...

Why can’t I feel your pain?

Why can’t I say your name?

When I think about you

Why is the feeling always the same?

Why can’t I remember your name?

Why can’t I help you complete your aim?

When I’m asked to remember you

Why do I feel like I’m about to faint?

Why can’t I believe to realize?

Why do I believe a pack of lies?

When I sing about you

Why is it always at the top of my head?

Why can’t I keep in touch with my soul?

Why can’t I make my heart whole?

When the opportunity is there

I don’t improve but instead despair?

[b]An old Arab lived close to *New York* City for more than 40 years. One day he decided that he would love to plant potatoes and herbs in his garden, but he knew he was alone and too old and weak. His son was in college in Paris,

so the old man sent him an e-mail explaining the problem:

"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, that you would help me and dig up the garden for me. I love you, your father."

The following day, the old man received a response e-mail from his son:

"Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. That is where I have hidden 'the *THING*.' I love you, too, Ahmed."

At 4pm the FBI and the Rangers visited the house of the old man and took the

whole garden apart, searching every inch. But they couldn't find anything.

Disappointed, they left the house.

The next day, the old man received another e-mail from his son: "Beloved

father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes,

that is all I could do for you from here; Your loving son Ahmed. [/b]

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

heard that loads of times...

...and it cracks me up every time!

[quote="Admin"]heard that loads of times...

...and it cracks me up every time![/quote]

[b]lolz yup[/b] 😃

(I think macking means flirting-v funny article)

Good Muslims do not date. Instead, they mack online. Because there are few authentic hadith on the Adab of online macking, it is incumbent on us to use Ijtihad on this very grave matter.

1. The Initial Cyber "Meeting."

No doubt this can be either on Naseeb or some Islamic online forum. As the saying goes, "first a smile, then a private message, then the comfort of AIM." After a flurry of Private Messages, it is time to complain: "It's too annoying to private message--do you have AIM or MSN?"

2. Enter AIM or MSN...

AIM and MSN are a Godsend for chickens like you and me who can't mack in real life. In real life, we may be scrawny desi boys with thick glasses and a plethora of back and toe hair. Online, however, we are a gift to all women worldwide, or at least those with 56 k modem and higher.

3. AIM or MSN?

American girls are on AIM, whereas fobs dominate the MSN scene. Hence, I would focus the bulk of my mack attacks on AIM girls exclusively. Do not waste mack on fobs. They have horrid grammar. They will ask to "have a beautiful friendship" with you and beg you to "please reply me." They may also use annoyingly cryptic transliteration like "thum janvar ho" (you an animal) that you may not be able to decipher.

Correction: Canadians and Brits may also use MSN, so I'd diversify my mack attack by downloading both MSN and AIM. I personally can't stand the British accent, but hey--I'll leave this up to you.

4. The Interrogation.

You must now ask the girl how many siblings she has, where she lives, her social security number, etc. It is wajib in most madhabs to compliment the girl on how pretty her name is, even if its something as hideous as Bajpinder. Additional points will be awarded to you based on your wittiness and charm, namely how well you flirt. You can tease the girl a little bit so long as you include the ever-so-charming wink smile at the end of whatever you say. "Oh, you're so silly..."

During this time, you try to use all the available information to estimate her approximate level of hotness. Statistics prove that girls with pink or purple font are more likely to be hot, whereas those girls who are funny tend to be fat and ugly. Intelligent girls are also ugly, so focus on the airheads majoring in something liberal art-ish. Stay away from feminazis (always ugly), and also from eleventeen-year olds.

5. The All Important Picture.

This is the real reason you are going through all this hassle. You want to see the picture. Once you get the picture, you can make a decision whether or not to proceed forward.

It's rather annoying how you have to wait for like five days or so before you can ask her for the picture. She won't send it to you in the beginning because you have to become her confidante (after a whole five days). It's annoying since you have to pre-invest so much mack before attaining the picture.

Golden Rule: If she sends her picture, it's a given that you must reciprocate with your own picture. I advise to give the picture after she sends hers. See point 6 below.

6. If her face is unattractive...

Now you are in quite a predicament, especially if you have invested a lengthy period of mack. (On a side-note, girls like to send pictures of themselves with the brightness on full to make their skin look clear and perfect--dont be fooled!) Her face sucking makes your macking mission pointless and it's time to withdraw the troops. This is what we call a waste of mack. Not only this, but by now--the girl is of course madly in love with you, but you are ready to abort the mission. What to do?

Panic not. Continue the conversation as if nothing happened. You MUST talk to her for a few more times before completely ignoring her. You only care for a girl based on her looks? You superficial jerk.(If you haven't sent your picture yet, send a picture of your hideous friend (Govindar Singh in lieu of yourself. That should do the trick.)

7. If the Picture makes you want to do wudu again and sing Bollywood songs in the shower ...

Now it's time to take off the gloves and let the hardcore flirting commence.

A-T-T-A-C-K!

Below, we shall show you a sample conversation:

MuslimMacker: So what ethnicity are you?

AngelBabyHijabiPrincess786: I'm Afghani.

MuslimMacker: I've heard Afghanistan is beautiful...I guess everything from Afghanistan is beautiful

AngelBabyHijabiPrincess786: *insert blushing face here*

MuslimMacker: So are you wearing your hijab right now as we speak?

and so on and so forth...

Rumi poetry is also a sure-fire winner with most girls...have some in your profile, and also have fun by having flirtatious away messages. Ask her if she really isn't a hoor (NOT a [Edited Out]) and comment on how her eyes are the gates to Paradise.

8. Don't be too aggressive though...

You don't want to blow your cover right away. You want to flirt just enough so that she suspects but isn't sure. The ideal situation is one in which she can't sleep at night because she keeps thinking: "does he like me?" Keep her in mystery for awhile.

Question: Assalamo Alaykum Imam Sahab Jaysh. I have the question to you.

Should I delay the responses when I chat her to seem like I have a life?

Answer: Thank you for your query. This still a heavily disputed issue amongst the Fuqaha of Islam. One Madhab believes that you should delay responses by 20-60 seconds in order to seem like you have a life. But another Madhab claims that responses should be rapid-fire style in order to show that both parties click together very well.

Should you IM her first or should you wait till she does? This too is a question that the scholars have pondered for ages. And what about being online the entire day? That won't look good, and only confirm her suspicions that you have no life; for this, you can either give birth to multiple screen-names or you can go into invisible mode with the new AIM.

9. Does she like you?

The speed of her responses is a good indication of her interest level. Additionally, she likes you if she says things like "you're so funny!" and if she uses ten thousand smiley faces after every sentence...indeed, how much she likes you is directly proportional to the number of smiley faces and extraneous exclamation marks. There is a monumental difference between a simple "salams" and a "Hey Salams!!! ". If she IMs you first, then you pretty much are going to father her children.

And the all time favorite of mine is the classic "wow, you kept me up the whole night--it's almost fajr time!" Once she says that, you know she's all yours. Or she might even say "I am going to fail my test tomorrow--I'm going to blame you now!" (score!!! she can't even study without thinking about you and your handsome IMs.)

10. How do you know if she doesn't like you?

If there is a drastic change in the velocity of her responses, if she blocks you, or if she declares your face to suck--then it's a pretty good indication that she doesn't like you. You pretty much suck if you can't even get girls online. In the words of one Islamican, "it's the internet--at least pretend you're cool."

11. Multiple-Macking...a cyber-crime in all 48 contiguous states of this here America

Whereas you may use the euphemism of "diversifying" your macking portfolio, girls will accuse you of multiple-macking. Multiple-macking is when you are flooded with IMs from young women dying for your hand in cyber-marriage.

My advice: You won't be able to hold down ten conversations at a time. Don't spread your mack out too thin, and try to focus on the most important few mackees. Always prioritize mackees based on not only hotness, but also those who live closer to your residence:

( h / a) where a denotes availability...

Edit: It's actually h*a ...we regret this error.

Divide up your buddy list into sections, such as: Gold Club Mackees, Silver Club Mackees, and Runner-ups. Never discuss mackees with fellow mackers unless you have first signed some sort of Pact demarcating territory. You can also trade mackees with another macker.

Also, be careful to cover your tracks and make sure that none of your mackees are in contact with each other. They might realize then that you are multiple-macking. Not good for business. A lot of hijabsters and niqabsters tend to flock together so be extra cautious. It is preferable to have mackees who all live in different states, so even if she asks if she's the only girl you talk to her, you can say: "yes, in the state..."

12. "Giving Dawah..."

1-Macking is a form of giving dawah.

2-Dawah is Fardh.

3-Therefore and thence, macking is Fardh.

We should give dawah exclusively to hot chicks. (That's good since only people of the opposite sex show interest in Islam anyways.) We shall try our utmost to convert hot chicks! What a noble task! We shall wage Jihad on Bollywood and take the chicks as our right-hand captives...

13. Converting a Kafir Girl via AIM.

I'm too tired to finish this stupid webpage, so I'm going to skip this part. But it's in my head and it's damn funny. So laugh. In conclusion, all the kafir girl has got to do is to repeat the shahadah after the Imam:

Imam: La Illaha illallah

Kafir Girl: La ilah la la la la ......

Heck, you could say anything and she would repeat it. But, she is officially nikahfiable now so let the show begin! Of course, the local aunties will gossip at your wedding about how you had to marry her because she is pregnant and how she secretly still worships Shiva and Goro (mk3). But what do you care? You're madly in love.

14. Why online macking won't work out in the end...

In the end, it's not going to work out. Why? Because she lives in Alaska and you'll never even seen her. It won't work. Lesson: Don't waste time macking online

😂

[quote="Khusro"]:lol:[/quote]

u taking down some tips khusra 😉

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"][quote="Khusro"]:lol:[/quote]

u taking down some tips khusra :wink:[/quote]

:x Get the name right! [size=7]...furbal..[/size]

and why would i need tips? :roll:

You should have just posted up the lesson and not the rest.

Salaam

O u baby its all good

What do you see when you look at me

Do you see someone limited, or someone free

All some people can do is just look and stare

Simply because they can't see my hair

Others think I am controlled and uneducated

They think that I am limited and un-liberated

They are so thankful that they are not me

Because they would like to remain 'free'

Well free isn't exactly the word I would've used

Describing women who are cheated on and abused

They think that I do not have opinions or voice

They think that being hooded isn't my choice

They think that the hood makes me look caged

That my husband or dad are totally outraged

All they can do is look at me in fear

And in my eye there is a tear

Not because I have been stared at or made fun of

But because people are ignoring the One up above

On the day of judgment they will be the fools

Because they were too ashamed to play by their own rules

Maybe the guys won't think I am a cutie

But at least I am filled with more inner beauty

See I have declined from being a guy's toy

Because I won't let myself be controlled by a boy

Real men are able to appreciate my mind

And aren't busy looking at my behind

Hooded girls are the ones really helping the Muslim cause

The role that we play definitely deserves applause

I will be recognized because I am smart and bright

And because some people are inspired by my sight

The smart ones are attracted by my tranquility

In the back of their mind they wish they were me

We have the strength to do what we think is right

Even if it means putting up a life long fight

You see we are not controlled by a mini skirt and tight shirt

We are given only respect, and never treated like dirt

So you see, we are the ones that are free and liberated

We are not the ones that are sexually terrorized and violated

We are the ones that are free and pure

We're free of STD's that have no cure

So when people ask you how you feel about the hood

Just sum it up by saying, 'Baby its all good'

Wasalaam

salaam

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING

(Written by a former child)

A message every adult should read, because children

are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my

first painting on the refrigerator, and I

immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a

stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind

to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my

favorite cake for me and I learned that the little

things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a

prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always

talk to and I learned to trust in God.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a

meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I

learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of

your time and money to help people who had nothing

and I learned that those who have something should

give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take

care of our house and everyone in it and I learned

we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you

handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't

feel good and I learned that I would have to be

responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come

from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things

hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you

cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I learned most of

life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and

productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you

and wanted to say, "Thanks for all the things I saw

when you thought I wasn't looking."

I AM SENDING THIS TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW WHO DO

SO MUCH FOR OTHERS AND THINK NO ONE EVER SEES.

LITTLE EYES SEE A LOT.

Wasalaam

that was a beautiful poem Saadia

salaam

y thnkyou seema i thought so too which is y i posted it!! i didnt write it ofcourse my poetry skills are rubbish. i found it scary as we dont realise(well i dont) that our children, younger siblings, or nieces and nephews maybe picking up on our every move!! ? have to be carefull they dont pick up the bad habits as not every1 is perfect.

wa/salam

Salaam

indeed you should be careful, Khan

Especially you

Omrow

😂

thought u were banned, omrow-lover. :roll: 😛

loooool lol

hello to new guy Amir Khusra

[quote="seema*"]

hello to new guy Amir Khusra

[/quote]

Very funny [size=7]..spotty!!..[/size]...and u....Dust :x

it was after a famous sufi, and a poet...but seein as u immature people couldnt abstain from takin the mick while i wasnt here... :roll:

i am now re-born 😃

why did u change ur name for :evil:

i only teased u ONCE about it

such a baby :roll:

who cares what you said! 😛

i got called Khusra 3 times :x and i know it wont be the last

plus, im a lot like the prince of bel air, me thinks anyway 😃

[quote="Fresh Prince"]

plus, im a lot like the prince of bel air, me thinks anyway :D[/quote]

come to think of it

u do look like him

tall n black with a tash :twisted:

lol....[size=7]even tho my tash has disappeared by accident [/size], i do see a lot of myself in him

young, funny, and [size=7]a ladies man[/size] 😛

I've met u

ur nothing like him :roll:

no u haven't

seeing and meeting is a diff thing :roll:

[b]Moon and Sun[/b]

Silvery moon!

I see your face

High in the sky

That is your place

Quietly you appear

When it is night

There I see you

When tucked up tight!

. Allah has made you

You are His moon

But you will be hidden

From our eyes quite soon

That will be when

The daytime has come

When Allah reveals

The light of the sun[u]

😃 [/u]