Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!

Angel —

This thread is for jokes, poems or any inspirational stories (hint hint muslim kuri!)... so here goes......


Generous lawyer


A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.


"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"


The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"


Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."


The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"


The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.


"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"


The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."


On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"


Forum

Saadia Khan — Wed, 8 Feb 2006 - 12:23

salaam

me Again D


To realize

The value of a sister

Ask someone

Who doesn't have one.


To realize

The value of ten years

Ask a newly

Divorced couple.


To realize

The value of four years

Ask a graduate.


To realize

The value of one year

Ask a student who

Has failed a final exam.


To realize

The value of nine months

Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.


To realize

The value of one month

Ask a mother

who has given birth to

A premature baby.


To realize

The value of one week

Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.


To realize

The value of one hour

Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.


To realize

The value of one minute

Ask a person

Who has missed the train, bus or plane.


To realize

The value of one-second

Ask a person

Who has survived an accident.


To realize

The value of one millisecond

Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics


Time waits for no one.


Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when


you can share it with someone special.


To realize the value of a friend

Lose one.


iRazor — Wed, 8 Feb 2006 - 20:07

[quote="Saadia Khan"]salaam


do u do nething else apart from living on the forum :)[/quote]


LOL.


Do u guys actually write ya own poems?


Or u jus buzz offa other peopls works? 8) 😂 😃 🙂 :shock: 😛 😉 :twisted: :!: :?: :idea: :arrow:


Saadia Khan — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 - 22:25

salaam

razor

so wat if we "buzz" (as u call it) off other peoples work!!


I read poems, I like them, they make me laugh, I want others to read and Laugh!!!


Is that a Problem!!!!!!!!


Saadia Khan — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 - 22:27

salaam


WOMEN ARE SMARTER THAN MEN!!!


Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died,

Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a

singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.

"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just

a week or two, my father will die and I will inherit 20 million

dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she

became his stepmother!


Wife Vs Husband

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a

word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of

them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of

mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives

of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


Words

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use

a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has

to be because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then

turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


Stupid And Beautiful

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so

stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded,

"Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted

to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to

you!


The Beast

Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby

was losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will

bring out the beast in me." So what?" his wife shot back. "Who's

afraid of a mouse?"


Coffee

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the

coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you

get up first and then we don't have to wait as long to get our

coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here

and you should do it because that is your job and I can just wait

for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, besides, it

is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies,

"I don't believe that... show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened

the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages that it

indeed says....

"HEBREWS"


(just for u razor BUZZ of it lol)


Sirus — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 - 13:32

there she goes again :roll: 😛


Heres a good poem i found, i know some of you are gona shout Biddah!, and i know Omrow will like this.....


================================

[size=18]An Ode to Wine[/size]


Only with ablution I approach the wine

For in this tavern I shall meet the Divine!


My companions here all rejoice with me

And greet our Imam, the Cupbearer, Saqi!


With great relish I shall undertake this task

And drink it all, drop by drop, flask by flask!


And though the scholars may censure me

I do not care, for I am in ecstasy!


And if they threaten me with Shariah Law

Well, then I`ll drink a few more!


And if to the gallows the Courts send me

This is what my defence shall be:


"When the cup in the Beloved`s hand is hidden

Then, by Allah it is no longer forbidden!"


While the dry, narrow-minded scholars bicker

I shall continue to drink this liquor!


This wine the Najdi idiots do not understand

Not all can take, for it`s a special brand!


Their scholars I see a fatwa are writing!

The masses against me they`re exciting!


So, by Allah I`ll explain what I mean

And the truth clearly shall be seen!


Cupbearer, pour in the Name of Allah

Give me the brand of `No god but Allah!`


This wine is unique, in bottles not found!

It`s drinkers however everywhere abound!


The grapevines in Makka are grown

When fully ripened, to Madina are flown!


In the Mosque of Ahmad The Blessed

The grapes are then carefully pressed!


From here some to Najaf are sent

At Imam Ali`s tomb, to ferment!


The rest are kept beside Bu`Bakr Sadeeq

To ferment here, for many a week!


When it`s ready the wine is inspected

In Baghdad it is selected, rejected!


This task to Shaikh Abdul Qadir does fall

That expert taster from Jilan, you`ll recall!


When the Ghawth is fully satisfied

The wine is exported, far and wide!


But those Saqis to whom it does go

Are few and far between, you should know!


Each Saqi drinks it according to taste!

Some drink slowly, others drink in haste!


The wine in my tavern is a perfect brand!

Matured to perfection by Shah Naqshband!


In it`s colour Saadiq`s knowledge you`ll find

The fragrance of Bayazeed`s ecstasy in kind!


It`s taste is amazing by Imam Rabbani, I swear!

One drop intoxicates all, everywhere!


From Sayyid Jamaat Ali`s hand it does pour

For this Amir, I`ll drink evermore!


And if I, inebriated, on my face do fall

My Shaikh helps me to drink it all!


Shaikh Sayyid Afzal Hussain Shah I toast!

He`s my Beloved Cupbearer I do boast!


So O’ Mullah that`s all I have to say

Now is this wine haraam, tell me pray?


I`ll end with this drunkard`s prayer:

If it makes the Mullahs sick, I don`t care!


Lord for your Beloved Darling`s Sake

This sinner a drunkard forever make


Allow me from Ahmad`s hand to drink wine!

Then I`ll thirst no more, by The Lord Divine!


Upon him and his family blessings do send

With this prayer Asif will end.


iRazor — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 - 17:53

[quote="Saadia Khan"]salaam

razor

so wat if we "buzz" (as u call it) off other peoples work!!


I read poems, I like them, they make me laugh, I want others to read and Laugh!!!


Is that a Problem!!!!!!!![/quote]


I dint mean it to be offensive, im sorry.


What i meant was, has anyone here actually wrote there own poem ?


Mayb a seperate thread shud be made so people can write there own poems n post em.


iRazor — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 - 19:19

Saadia, I wrote a poem, My OWN work 😃


Jus wrote it so dunt make fun of me


==========


A goodbye to a "friend" in An ode to sheesha and friendship.


=================


Atleast once a week, sheesha i smoke,

So high i got, once, a glass i broke.


With my friends i would go, and smoke the night away,

Talk we would, until the night became day.


Now we must keep it quiet, and smoke in seclusion,

For yesterday i found out, one of my "friends" is as gay as a delusion.


I always knew there was summin fishy bout the fellow,

I could tell, just my the way he would say "hello".


At first hayder dint beleive it, cus he's blinded to the truth,

But now even he can see the guys a fruit.


To smoke we would go, and come would my friend Junaid,

Back in school, i used to call him grenade.


We always order, the minty fresh one,

and strawberry is the flavour of choice, of the Fresh one (hayder).


It arrives in due time, And appears a smile,

on my, young, stubbly, handsome face.


The coal i cut, and shape to size,

place on top, and grab the pipe.


Deep breath I take, I can wait no longer,

The urge for smoke, grows stronger and stronger.


Ciggerettes I hate, I really cant stand,

But me and my sheesha, we mingle at random.


Enters the smoke, into my body,

At peace i feel, I love evrybody.


A coalition we made, of love and peace,

The brotherhood of Smoke, is its name indeed.


Puff Puff pass, because its good manners,

Then we conversate, about spanners and hammers.


By spanners and hammers, I mean, guy talk,

I once taught hayder, how to moon walk.


We have a laugh, a real good time,

Then someone calls, i tell em im doin jus fine.


A bit of red bull, is required,

a trip to the men room, is desired.


Ive freshened up, so I come back,

to realise My seat, has been jacked.


A couple of threats later, jack gives in,

To the seat I return, and again begin.


Puff puff puff, no passing anymore,

why i wunt share no more, i really dunno.


Couple hours later its tym to get in jamaat,

we smoke in jamaat, we pray in jamaat.


sheesha gave us the physical hizzigh,

we are now also feeling, spiritually high.


We have jus drank the wine, the saqi delivered,

after a couple of shots, my body quivered.


I realised, my phone was vibrating,

If im not home soon, im in for a beating.


On my home, I must now go,

Goodbye i say to the homeies, bro.


I leave you in peace, til we meet again,

Until then we remains, forever friends.


This poem was written, and published by,

Razor Sharp, the forever high.


star — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 - 19:42

[quote="razor"][quote="nana"]I didnt like that[/quote]


Therz a different reason for that[/quote]


for what ? :?


Saadia Khan — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 - 23:00

salaam


wow shock

that was good razor lol


dare i say alot of truth as far as the sheeha and its effect are concerned D


i dont have the tendancy to wirte my own poems, am not really that creative although have been giving it some thought!!


so if i have the time to sit and write ill let u guys have a read ?


Sirus — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 - 00:10

Ya'ni.......that was the don daddy poem


and it was straight from the heart .....giv us a hug bro...:cry:


Forever High! 😂


Sirus — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 - 00:56

no we dont....[size=7]we jus act stupid and immature afterwards, all in the name of fun...or maybe were like that all the tym[/size]


iRazor — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 - 01:12

Indeed...We dunt get high offa shesha, we jus pretend to. Although sometimes, we get slightly light-headed.


Everyone should write a poem, go for it saadia. Let ya imagination run wild, start on one topic, end on another, write about your day, watever you like.


=======


Off to sleep i must go,

When i awake, i do not know.


Tomorow I must awake and Revise,

A test I have, and a plan I must devise.


A plan for my coursework, Which I havent started,

Smells kinda funny, someone must have farted.


Tomorow evening to arrive, I cannot wait for,

To see shaykh Hamza Yusuf, inshallah I will go.


The revival magazine, Distribute there I will,

But dunt hav many left, cuz saadia gave them out, at her own will.


Fret not though, A genius I am,

Cant think of anything to rhyme, so im gna write...Ham.


Off to bed i now go,

If i ever awake, i do not know.


In the safe hands of the lord, you I leave,

The lord in whom we trust, and beleive.


Seraphim — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 - 13:13

[color=red]***If you havent heard of Chuck Norris... you prob wont find this funny... go look him up.***[/color]


[size=18][b]Top Chuck Norris Facts[/b][/size]


1. Guns dont kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.


2. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.


3. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.


5. There is no chin under Chuck Norris'Beard. There is only another fist.


6. Chuck Norrishas two speeds. Walk and Kill.


7. The leading causes of death in the US are 1. Heart Disease 2. Cancer 3. Chuck Norris


8. The quickest way to a Mans's heart is with Chuck Norris'fist.


9. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.


10. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?


iRazor — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 - 14:46

Im on a roll, i just cant stop,

Writing poems, its well top (LOL)


Heres another for you people, Why is no-one else written their own yet.


=============

I need a shave


=============


I need a shave again,

I need to get up and begin.


It normally take about an hour or so,

Then I quikly hav a shower, cuz im always on the go.


Its a complicated thing, is having a shave,

Its as hard as teaching a 5 year old how to behave.


I begin from the right, make sure I shape my beard right,

I always take care, but normally mess it up despite.


My trimmers on charge at this very moment,

It always runs outta life, as if it was my opponent.


When im done having a shave, I might post

a picture, Aslong as you say you love it. although I dunt like to boast,


I think my beard is the best,

Waaaaayyy better then all the rest.


I better go shave now, im wasting my time,

Then I gotta do my work, im falling waayy behind.


Dave — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 - 14:53

[quote="nana"]lol


i need a shave ...nice poem hahaha.[/quote]


hahahha I read this post up from the bottom up and got the wrong impression of you for a second there :shock:


star — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 - 15:04

[quote="Augustus"][quote="nana"]lol


i need a shave ...nice poem hahaha.[/quote]


hahahha I read this post up from the bottom up and got the wrong impression of you for a second there :shock:[/quote]


lol U Joka..........im not a man.


A lesson you need to learn : alwayz read from the top and down 😉


Dave — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 - 15:10

[quote="nana"] lol U Joka..........im not a man.


A lesson you need to learn : alwayz read from the top and down :wink:[/quote]


lol right. Top down - got it!


Hey ladies - Q for U


What is a "Jilbab" and why do you wear it with jeans?


star — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 - 15:20

[quote="Augustus"][quote="nana"] lol U Joka..........im not a man.


A lesson you need to learn : alwayz read from the top and down :wink:[/quote]


lol right. Top down - got it!


Hey ladies - Q for U


What is a "Jilbab" and why do you wear it with jeans?[/quote]


lol and down..


'jilbaab'........loose outer garment that conceals one body....wear it when you go out as the casual dress is less appropriate for mwah.


i dont wear it with jeans so dont know.