Islam Is HARD!
Salaam
Allah (swt) does not burden an individual with more then he can bear.
We are also told that Islam is an easy religion. “We will ease you to the Easy Way”(87:8 )
The Holy Prophet ﷺ was instructed to make life easy for others and presents the call for Islam (da’wa), in a pleasant manner that is easy to adhere to.
So why do many youth find Islam hard? I often hear young girls asking me “why is Islam so HARD?”
I don’t even know where to begin when a Muslim girl says such a thing…and when asked what part of Islam she finds “hard”…”EVERYTHING!!” is the response.
To, a certain extent I feel its cos of the way Islam is conveyed to them….if one is told harshly that “You can’t do this and you can’t do that…and if you do this you’ll eternally damned forever” then of course people will find Islam hard
Heck, even I used to find Islam hard…and that was cos my teacher made it seem hard.
The beauty of Islam is that there is hidden wisdom behind every command and prohibition…if one is told about the wisdom behind Gods laws then obviously they’d WANT to practice Islam…if one was told how much God loves us and the benefits of being in pursuit of His pleasure then obviously people would go out of their way to make Him happy….
On a different note…what part of Islam do YOU find hard? Is it being steadfast in your Salaah? Is it practicing what you preach? Is it doing aml (act) on the ilm (knowledge) that you learn?
Or does your weakness lie in keeping away from members of the opposite sex? Is it difficult for you to keep away from MTV? Or is it hard for you to make the effort and attend Islamic programmes/classes?
Is it the internal sins that you find to avoid….such as pride/envy/bearing grudges/insincerity and hypocrisy?
Is it hard for you to refrain from considering yourself righteous and “guided” and everyone else astray and misguided? Do you always find yourself looking down at others?
Is it hard for you to keep your big gob shut at times?
Do YOU ever find yourself moaning about how difficult Islam is and how do YOU respond when you come across people who possess such sentiments?
Share your thoughts
Wasalaam
Islam Is HARD!
Islam Is HARD!
I could see how she might feel slightly produce-like after that...
Do you want an arranged marriage?
Think you'll have one?
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="Don Karnage"]Do you want an arranged marriage?
Think you'll have one?[/quote]
as opposed to a love marriage (which involves dating)? yeh ofcourse.
these definitions we've given are really rigid, hence all the misconceptions... in my family, its not so much the marriage itself that's 'arranged' but just the preliminary process leading upto marriage. i.e. our parents 'suggest' someone for marriage and if we're interested they'll take it forward, speak to the person's parents and arrange a meeting. if, after however many meetings, the guy and the girl like eachother, then they go ahead with the marriage. if they dont get along, then thats the end of that, and the 'preliminary process' starts afresh... 😂
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="*DUST*"][quote="Don Karnage"]Do you want an arranged marriage?
Think you'll have one?[/quote]
as opposed to a love marriage (which involves dating)? yeh ofcourse.
these definitions we've given are really rigid, hence all the misconceptions... in my family, its not so much the marriage itself that's 'arranged' but just the preliminary process leading upto marriage. i.e. our parents 'suggest' someone for marriage and if we're interested they'll take it forward, speak to the person's parents and arrange a meeting. if, after however many meetings, the guy and the girl like eachother, then they go ahead with the marriage. if they dont get along, then thats the end of that, and the 'preliminary process' starts afresh... :lol:[/quote]
lol... but that's just dating by a different name. You're spending time with each other to find out if you click.
Dating doesn't have to mean movie-dinner-drinking-kissing-sex.
That's pretty much just in the movies.
But I mean as opposed to somebody chosen of your own impetus. Say a guy you met at school, since it's inevitable you will meet people of the opposite gender. You talk to your parents, and work out some way to meet each other just like in the arranged scenario.
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="Don Karnage"]lol... but that's just dating by a different name. You're spending time with each other to find out if you click.[/quote]
true, but its still not 'dating'. there are Islamic guidelines to follow.
[quote="Don Karnage"]But I mean as opposed to somebody chosen of your own impetus. Say a guy you met at school, since it's inevitable you will meet people of the opposite gender. You talk to your parents, and work out some way to meet each other just like in the arranged scenario.[/quote]
ah ok, i see wot u mean. and yes this is Islamically acceptable too, as long as the guy and girl go through their parents, and dont start 'dating' without anyone knowing, its still Islamically acceptable. quite a few of my mates got married to guys from uni.
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="*DUST*"]true, but its still not 'dating'. there are Islamic guidelines to follow.[/quote]
lol how is it not? The term only came about because people set aside a time to spend with each other and learn if they are suitable.
[quote]ah ok, i see wot u mean. and yes this is Islamically acceptable too, as long as the guy and girl go through their parents, and dont start 'dating' without anyone knowing, its still Islamically acceptable. quite a few of my mates got married to guys from uni.[/quote]
Right... so would you prefer that to something arranged or are you indifferent?
Also isn't your situation a little different from Ramz? It's not like she went to her parents and casually asked for them to look into it for her. They decided the time and place she should start looking to be married.
And in the case of many girls they are informed of their arranged marriage and are given the opportunity to talk to the person, but through what seems to be an elaborate system of emotional blackmail and personal confusion, a girls "no" isn't really much of a consideration.
It kinda sounds like you have the best of this scenario.
Islam Is HARD!
Ramz situation is extreme
she dont like the guys her parents are making her marry and they putting pressure on her
this is against islam
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]Ramz situation is extreme
she dont like the guys her parents are making her marry and they putting pressure on her
this is against islam[/quote]
So if the pressure being put upon her by her parents is curtailing her Islamic right to consent, does that mean she may disobey her parents (who are not acting islamically at worst, or putting her in a non-islamic situation at best)
Does honoring your father and mother extend to activities that they are encroaching on her rights as a muslimah?
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="Don Karnage"][quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]Ramz situation is extreme
she dont like the guys her parents are making her marry and they putting pressure on her
this is against islam[/quote]
So if the pressure being put upon her by her parents is curtailing her Islamic right to consent, does that mean she may disobey her parents (who are not acting islamically at worst, or putting her in a non-islamic situation at best)
?[/quote]
yes.
there is no marraige without consent
that mean that each time she is with her husband the sin will be on parents head
there is no sin on her if she disobeys her parents in this matter
they cant force her
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="Don Karnage"]lol how is it not? The term only came about because people set aside a time to spend with each other and learn if they are suitable.[/quote]hmm, but dating is more of a recent term. you know the 'courting' of English olden days... thats closer to the meetings of 'arranged marriages' than 'dating'. if that makes any sense. 😂
[quote="Don Karnage"]Right... so would you prefer that to something arranged or are you indifferent?[/quote]i guess i'm indifferent.
[quote="Don Karnage"]Also isn't your situation a little different from Ramz? It's not like she went to her parents and casually asked for them to look into it for her. They decided the time and place she should start looking to be married.[/quote]have u read the 'meat market' thread yet? i dont think they decided when it was time for her to get married, but since she had just broken off a relationship with her boyfriend (he wasnt interested in getting married), they probably thought she was ready for marriage. i guess she'd hav to clarify that for u tho (if it isnt already clear on her thread).
[quote="Don Karnage"]And in the case of many girls they are informed of their arranged marriage and are given the opportunity to talk to the person, but through what seems to be an elaborate system of emotional blackmail and personal confusion, a girls "no" isn't really much of a consideration.[/quote]well such an 'arranged marriage' is more like a 'forced marriage' - it isnt islamically acceptable.
[quote="Don Karnage"]It kinda sounds like you have the best of this scenario.[/quote]yeh my parents are really cool when it comes to such matters. 8)
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]
yes.
there is no marraige without consent
that mean that each time she is with her husband the sin will be on parents head
there is no sin on her if she disobeys her parents in this matter
they cant force her[/quote]
So really the most islamic scenario for all parties involved here would be to truthfully reject the man that her parents suggested - suggest this other boy she met for their consent to meet and get to know each other in a halal way (like they would with one they themselves chose) and get married (or alternately they would reject him and she would have to accept that).
The veto power is 2 way?
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="Don Karnage"][quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]
yes.
there is no marraige without consent
that mean that each time she is with her husband the sin will be on parents head
there is no sin on her if she disobeys her parents in this matter
they cant force her[/quote]
So really the most islamic scenario for all parties involved here would be to truthfully reject the man that her parents suggested - suggest this other boy she met for their consent to meet and get to know each other in a halal way (like they would with one they themselves chose) and get married (or alternately they would reject him and she would have to accept that).
The veto power is 2 way?[/quote]
Yes
But her man is a loser-I think he was cheating on her and she dumped him
or sumin like that :?
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="Don Karnage"]So really the most islamic scenario for all parties involved here would be to truthfully reject the man that her parents suggested - suggest this other boy she met for their consent to meet and get to know each other in a halal way (like they would with one they themselves chose) and get married (or alternately they would reject him and she would have to accept that).
The veto power is 2 way?[/quote]
Dave they already rejected him. (for the wrong reasons, but still)
and they'd been dating for two years - how much more time can they ask for to 'get to know eachother'?
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]But her man is a loser-I think he was cheating on her and she dumped him
or sumin like that :?[/quote]
yeh, its good her parents rejected him (even tho they did it for the wrong reason)... coz he was still in touch with his ex-girlfriends and crap like that.
Islam Is HARD!
I'd spend about two years before I said yes
I need to know what I'm getting myself into
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="*DUST*"][quote="Don Karnage"]So really the most islamic scenario for all parties involved here would be to truthfully reject the man that her parents suggested - suggest this other boy she met for their consent to meet and get to know each other in a halal way (like they would with one they themselves chose) and get married (or alternately they would reject him and she would have to accept that).
The veto power is 2 way?[/quote]
Dave they already rejected him. (for the wrong reasons, but still)
and they'd been dating for two years - how much more time can they ask for to 'get to know eachother'?[/quote]
I spent about 7 years...
I mean in a perfect scenario, say the guy is just some normal muslim guy that she likes - nothing objectionable about him, but her parents have her set up with somebody else.
Is it more islamic to reject their candidate and offer your own for consideration by your parents, or just accept their candidate and pretend to be on board?
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="Don Karnage"][quote="*DUST*"]and they'd been dating for two years - how much more time can they ask for to 'get to know eachother'?[/quote]
I spent about 7 years...[/quote]
yeh but dave - this is wot i mean about how 'dating' defers from islamic 'meetings' - these meetings literally happen wen ur ready to get married. how old were u when u started dating Annette - 14?
[quote="Don Karnage"]I mean in a perfect scenario, say the guy is just some normal muslim guy that she likes - nothing objectionable about him, but her parents have her set up with somebody else.
Is it more islamic to reject their candidate and offer your own for consideration by your parents, or just accept their candidate and pretend to be on board?[/quote]
her parents shouldnt have her 'set up' with someone in the first place - the decision is hers to make. she shouldnt 'pretend to be on board' - she should tell them about the person she's interested in, and if after some discussion they are still not considering him, then the girl should go ahead and meet their 'candidate' (with an open mind).
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="*DUST*"]
yeh but dave - this is wot i mean about how 'dating' defers from islamic 'meetings' - these meetings literally happen wen ur ready to get married. how old were u when u started dating Annette - 14?[/quote]
lol true.
It's kinda hard to say... officially not until high school but there was sort of a nebulous area where we were uncomfortably comfortable going all the way back to when we were kids.
I've had a bit of a spotted history with her though... I really loved her as a kid and then went through some difficult stuff in middleschool and into high school and was basically a cheating manipulative and abusive jerk, but she put up with me and eventually turned me around. So i've always sort have felt connected to her - and resented it greatly - even when I was "with" other girls.
[quote]her parents shouldnt have her 'set up' with someone in the first place - the decision is hers to make. she shouldnt 'pretend to be on board' - she should tell them about the person she's interested in, and if after some discussion they are still not considering him, then the girl should go ahead with their 'candidate' (with an open mind).[/quote]
Gotcha - well it seems to me that's the best route (and the islamic?) if you take that model and apply it to Ramz situation though I think we can all agree her parents would reject this boy since he doesn't appear to have many saving graces... I'm a little concerned for you Ramz, you're stuck between a rock and a hard place and I gotta say from his description the guy sounds like a bit of a pig.
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]I'd spend about two years before I said yes
I need to know what I'm getting myself into[/quote]
in two years the guy could've changed. :?
the whole point of getting one's parents involved in the process is because u expect them to do their 'research' before suggesting the guy - they know what his family background and upbringing is/was like... so ud expect for the guy to be on a level with u, not some random tyrant. the meetings are just to ensure physical attraction and so u can find out his opinions on matters important to yourself.
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="*DUST*"][quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]I'd spend about two years before I said yes
I need to know what I'm getting myself into[/quote]
in two years the guy could've changed. :?
the whole point of getting one's parents involved in the process is because u expect them to do their 'research' before suggesting the guy - they know what his family background and upbringing is/was like... so ud expect for the guy to be on a level with u, not some random tyrant. the meetings are just to ensure physical attraction and so u can find out his opinions on matters important to yourself.[/quote]
I agree with that...however, parents can not see a guy through your eyes..if you know what I mean. :?
I too now think that this getting to know one another period should be between 1-2 years...with full family involvement.
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="MuslimSister"]I agree with that...however, parents can not see a guy through your eyes..if you know what I mean. :?
I too now think that this getting to know one another period should be between 1-2 years...with full family involvement.[/quote]
lol. actually i dont reallly get wot u mean - surely if u tell ur mom wot kind of a guy u wanna marry, she would find someone who fits ur description, as opposed to the complete opposite, right...?
if ur parents have ensured that the guy got a good tarbiyyah because they know his family from before, or have found out (through 'connections' ;)) wot kind of family he's from, then what will 1 or 2 years do...? i mean what will you ask him after 2 years that u couldnt ask in the first few months? :?:
Islam Is HARD!
If she doesnt want to marry him then she has the islamic right to say no and disobey her parents.
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="*DUST*"]
lol. actually i dont reallly get wot u mean - surely if u tell ur mom wot kind of a guy u wanna marry, she would find someone who fits ur description, as opposed to the complete opposite, right...?
if ur parents have ensured that the guy got a good tarbiyyah because they know his family from before, or have found out (through 'connections' ;)) wot kind of family he's from, then what will 1 or 2 years do...? i mean what will you ask him after 2 years that u couldnt ask in the first few months? :?:[/quote]
My parents know me pretty well...but they don't know me better then I know myself.
Maybe two years is too much...but two months is not enough time to know what someone is like.
I'm speaking from past experience of people I know who's marriage went down the drain...I feel that they didnt fully know what they were getting themselves into.
Islam Is HARD!
Three meetings.
In three meetings you can tell what someone is like
and if they're for real.
three
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="MuslimSister"]My parents know me pretty well...but they don't know me better then I know myself.[/quote]
ofcourse. which is y altho u expect them to suggest a guy who's on a level with u, U have the final decision, to see whether u really are compatible with the guy.
[quote="MuslimSister"]Maybe two years is too much...but two months is not enough time to know what someone is like.
I'm speaking from past experience of people I know who's marriage went down the drain...I feel that they didnt fully know what they were getting themselves into.[/quote]
IMO a lot of it is to do with having trust in Allah. we may spend years getting to know a person, but that still does not mean we know every single thing about them and can be 100% sure of a successful marriage. this is why we need istikhara - it should lead us to make the right decision.
every couple goes into marriage with some doubts. how they act AFTER marriage is what determines whether or not it'll work.
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="Seraphim"]Three meetings.
In three meetings you can tell what someone is like
and if they're for real.
three[/quote]
What questions would you ask in those three meetings to find out if they were for real?
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]I'd spend about two years before I said yes
I need to know what I'm getting myself into[/quote]
i decided within 2 days that i wanted to marry the man whos's my husband now. But i had enough info about him prior to meeting him with my parents.
He decided about me on the first day. Some ppl may think that's crazy but I think everyone has an inkling if someone is right fo them as soon as they meet them. First impressions count a lot. We met three times in total.
But we never married til a year or two later coz other siblings were in the process of getting married. But we had no communication for those 2 years. So i had plenty of time to change my mind, and he his. But the man chose correctly he married me lol..poor brother
Islam Is HARD!
My parents would never allow me to get married to someone within only few days of knowing them.
I agree that ones instincts play a strong part...
But Aasiyah your right that even two years or two days don't determine if someone right for you...one can never ever be 101% sure.
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="MuslimSister"]My parents would never allow me to get married to someone within only few days of knowing them.
I agree that ones instincts play a strong part...
But Aasiyah your right that even two years or two days don't determine if someone right for you...one can never ever be 101% sure.[/quote]
I supose thats where one's faith in Allah (swt) should take over.
Its always good to know Allah (swt) is lookin out for you and He does what He thinks is best.
Islam Is HARD!
[quote="Beast"]
What questions would you ask in those three meetings to find out if they were for real?[/quote]
Lol-Why are you asking...
[quote="Don Karnage"]Sorry Ramz - I have another friend who is having an arranged marriage, it seems so bitterly unfair all the way around, I hope it works out for you.[/quote]
arranged marriages arent as bad as they are often made out to be - my brother's marriage would probably count as 'arranged' yet he and my sister-in-law are perfectly happy together.
depends HOW it is 'arranged' i guess.
[quote="Don Karnage"]Meat market?!
What are they trying to marry you to a butcher or something?[/quote]
lol. she felt like it was a meat market coz suitor after suitor was coming to her house to meet her, she found it superficial. summat along those lines - just search for the thread.